Enough is enough is enough....

Lately I have had a surge of door to door salesmen coming around. I thought they quit that. I mean look at the nuts in the world. I want to be the nut they avoid!! I had two that were selling the same books, not together but back to back. I had one selling another kind of book. A few cleaner people. And I had one guy who was selling a product he never called by its name and I never saw it. He gave me the creeps!

I try to be nice I know it is their job, but I don't want it and I can't afford it and I wish they would leave me alone! Most everything sold door to door is high as a cat's back and not really needed. I mean sure I need something to clean my walls, but not that 30 bucks a bottle cleaner they are selling that would take 4 bottles to clean my walls. And really I can go to Hel-Mart or Target and get what I need and it would be a lot cheaper and I wouldn't be letting a stranger in my house!

They have a do not call list, why not a do not visit list! So I am trying to figure out what I can do or say to get me put on a list where door to door salesmen will leave me alone but not be put on some sort of watch list! Here are my ideas, let me know which one you think will work!

1. Sorry too busy.......I have tried this one, it takes them 20 minutes to say it will not take too long.

2. Not interested......I have tried this, they are convinced I would be interested if I just give them a few minutes of my time.

3. Can't afford it now..... I have tried this and I always get that, "But I get paid by how many households I show it to." Which I believe to be Bullshit.

So now that I have listed the nice, polite ideas and showed you why they don't work, here are my other ideas....

4. You may come in and clean all of my walls, but not just a spot on a wall. If you only clean a spot, then I will be forced to buy your shit to clean the rest of the walls.

5. Thank you, the vacuum broke last week and my house needs vacuuming!!

6. I will listen to your sales pitch for window cleaners while you clean all of my windows, not just one! Sorry I will not be buying, but I won't need it will I.

7. Oh, Lord I hope that is carpet cleaner you got there, the puppy had a bad case of the shits and I need you to clean it up quick!

Some are harder than others and not all sell cleaners so I may have to move on.

8. Yell, "Oh, LORD, The voices are back!!!" You can do this before you even open the door.

9. I knew God would send me help! I needed to talk to someone about my problems!!! I am sure he sent you to me.

10. Tell them they just saved you from your suicide attempt. Then say you need to rest and close the door.

11 *COUGH* Damn TB!!!

12. I'll let you tell me about your product after I tell you about my PLANET!

13. Great! You can change GranPaws diaper!

14. Peek out the window and ask if they are from the Health Department.

15. My daughter's school is having a fund raiser, let me get the book!

16. What the hell kind of piece of shit are YOU selling?

17. Tell them there is a special place in hell for people like them and offer to show it to them. (Of course this could get the police out and that would take longer than the sales pitch!)

Now rudeness and silliness may not work on the hard core salesman, so I offer these mental angles......

18. Run screaming from the house.

19. Ask them, "What children?" even if the kids are present.

20. Answer the door wearing a Halloween mask.

21. Slur your words and talk gibberish.

22. " Momma is that you? Where the hell have you been!" Or daddy if it is a man.

23. " The temptation......I swore I wouldn't hurt another salesman after they released me!!!!"

24. "Does this mean the police are coming again?"

And this one would get the police on your door steps and quite possibly involve a watch list you don't want to be on, but it should work..... You could go in 1 of 2 ways....

25. *leering at them* "You look tasty!!!"

* holding a butcher knife* " You look TASTY!!!"

Of course you could just grab the free gift and slam the door, but they may consider it theft. I don't know how since it is a FREE gift and all.

And in the case of a Charity that is really pushy.... Offer to donate to their organization if they donate to your charity. Then just give them their money back if they actually donate! If they don't then there you go.

So what do you think? Would any of them work? I am at my wits end with these people! It's the nice weather that brings them out. Damn Alabama weather!!

Is this a problem for others? Or is it just my house?


Misty used to be a great deterrent, but now that she has like 4 teeth, not so much anymore. They always ask, "Does it bite?" and I always tell them, " Not if your quick." They don't need to know she has slowed down in her old age.

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Daisy is a pit bull and most are afraid of them, but she is still a baby and not very scary looking!



Bella, well, she looks scary but they just don't notice her too much. And she has that "I'm not at home" look too, so not too much help.

I have hid in the past, but Little Miss can't stay quiet too long and they can be persistent. I once waved at them through the window on the door and walked away, took the guy 30 minutes to give up! So any suggestions would be appreciated. I must go for now, the trip is up in the air, and must try to figure out how to get it going again!!! So until next time......

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!

PS.... WOOT!!! I had a triple digit day at WordPress yesterday!!!! I don't know where they came from but I hope they come back!!!